Christian Sidehug

Being John Malkovich

thetalentedmrharvey@gmail.com — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 07:51:32 GMT

I'm not a movie critic, so I'd be hard pressed to explain why.

But good lord, what a profoundly bizarre and fantastic movie is Being John Malkovich.

thetalentedmrharvey@gmail.com — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 08:41:14 GMT

The older I get, the more I think that life's only real lesson is that accepting risk, difficulty, and confusion is the price you pay to get what you want, not a barrier to turn around and run from.

I mean, wanting something, knowing what you're getting yourself into, and doing it -- at least despite it, if not because of it.

That being bewildered and lost isn't a good feeling, but if you're not bewildered or lost on occasion, you're not doing anything.

Maybe.

Stuff to say in real life

thetalentedmrharvey@gmail.com — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 22:51:28 GMT

When you've had an especially hard time contacting someone: "You're harder to reach than the last Pringle!"

thetalentedmrharvey@gmail.com — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 20:25:11 GMT

I just had a lucid dream, who wants to touch me?!

OMGWTFKahlua

thetalentedmrharvey@gmail.com — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 00:29:30 GMT

Whaaaaaaaaat...

thetalentedmrharvey@gmail.com — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 00:14:51 GMT

Something to ponder for a while, which I won't try to answer since I have no idea, myself:

Why is it, even when we know beyond a shadow of a doubt what it is we should be doing with our lives, when there is nothing in our way, that we do not do it?

LMGTFY: GTFO

thetalentedmrharvey@gmail.com — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 12:02:25 GMT

Here, let me get that for you!

I've had it. I'm fed up. Maybe it's inevitable, this slide into a culture where we prefer machines get our information for us, and we're actually taken aback by the idea that someone might prefer talking to a person. Maybe it's weird that when I'm having a conversation with someone, and I have a question, I ask them.

Why is it such a big deal, anyway? What are you doing on the internet that's so important that you can't take 30 seconds and answer a question, especially if you know the answer? YouTube will be there when you're done. Facebook isn't going to suddenly fly away if you ctrl+tab for one second to help someone out. It can't; it needs to run an app to do that, and you have to agree to let it look at your birth records so it can install.

Either:

1.)You don't know the answer, in which case your response can be, "I don't know."

2.)You don't feel like explaining the answer, in which case your response can be, "BRB it's Furry Friday on 4chan."

or 3.)You don't feel like people should have to answer questions anymore now that the internet can do it. If so, you're part of the problem.

I'm officially declaring war on this little LMGTFY mini-culture. It's childish, annoying, and I'm sick of it.

thetalentedmrharvey@gmail.com — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 11:27:28 GMT

I firmly believe that in the dictionary, next to the word "balls," there should be a picture of a 7-pack of Hebrew National hot dogs.

thetalentedmrharvey@gmail.com — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 01:56:24 GMT

I'm more than 700 miles away from where I was born, on my own. I've been out here for a little over a month. I feel this energy that I haven't felt in a long, long time... everything is new, everything is exciting.

There are different kinds of birds here.

They actually have Autumn; it's fantastic.

When you ask someone how they're doing, they answer you and then ask back. I still haven't gotten used to that.

But the little details have very little to do with it. It could be the middle of a scorching summer with the same shitty birds* and standoffish people I'm used to. It's not that.

It's that energy. It's a sense of control and direction in my life that I've been lacking forever. The poise that I always thought I had as a child and always wanted as a teenager, it creeps up on me slowly. I understand myself, and I understand other people enough to know and accept that what I understand is always open to interpretation and alteration. That if I want to wait until each particular nuance of a situation can be picked apart and predicted with 100% certainty, I can; and I can die at the ripe old age of 100 or so, exclaiming: "I'll do it tomorrow!"

Not with a bang, but a whimper, and so on, and so on...

I used to wonder why I had to go through all the things I had been through... and now, I just hope that anyone who can handle it goes through them as well. It's good for you. You'll be glad you did when you're twenty-five.

Tonight's "See What Happens" recipe throwdown

thetalentedmrharvey@gmail.com — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 00:15:03 GMT

Status = WIN

Writer's Block: Back to the Future of Computers

thetalentedmrharvey@gmail.com — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 20:37:10 GMT

What can computers do now that you never dreamed would be possible? What do you hope they'll be able to do in the future?

Sponsored by WePC.com. Help us make your Dream PC a reality.

View 163 Answers

Honestly, when we first got AOL when I was 12 (13 years ago), I couldn't even fathom the idea of wireless internet. I mean, there are phones now that can store more than my first computer could. It's flippin' madness!

I hope computers one day can go to the moon.

thetalentedmrharvey@gmail.com — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 18:56:13 GMT

Great job, America. Now you see what happens when you don't change Kanye's diaper before you let him out of the house.

Instructions

thetalentedmrharvey@gmail.com — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 23:14:34 GMT

1. Step 1
2. Step 2
3. Step 3
4. Realize that there is a step so simple that they left it off the instructions list, one that you weren't aware of. Throw something at the wall and go get Taco Bell.

thetalentedmrharvey@gmail.com — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 23:19:37 GMT

My journal is not now, nor will it ever be Friends Only. I don't even know who all my friends are yet.

This journal is officially Everybody Only.

thetalentedmrharvey@gmail.com — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 23:15:23 GMT

I think there are certain indicators, in any part of your life, that you may be past the point of no return. I am an unrepentant linguistic nerd. I just had a no-return moment.

Due to my job, I've become interested in learning Bengali to be able to better communicate with some of the people I work with. It's been difficult finding materials online, but I did find a quick rundown of the Bengali alphabet and phonology, and I came across an entry that said "there is no v sound in Bangla."

And I went: "Awwwww..."

My poor boiced labiodental fricatibe.

Linguist code: Part 1

thetalentedmrharvey@gmail.com — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 23:05:47 GMT

Phrase: "Maybe it's a dialect thing."
Meaning: "You're wrong, but it would be tactless to call you a moron."

Writer's Block: Cute Meet

thetalentedmrharvey@gmail.com — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 13:35:00 GMT

Behind every great couple, there's often a great story. What's the best (nonfiction) how-we-met story you've heard?

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Behind every great couple, there's often a great story. 60% of the time, it works every time.

A little late

thetalentedmrharvey@gmail.com — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 13:33:57 GMT

Shortly after Billy Mays untimely passing, I devised the funniest Billy Mays Death joke I had heard, and I still believe it to be the best. If anyone has a better one, please let me know. Here it is:

911: "911, what's your emergency?"
Billy Mays: "BILLY MAYS HERE, WITH 'HEART FAILURE!'"

Writer's Block: Leave Room

thetalentedmrharvey@gmail.com — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 13:46:32 GMT

What's your favorite dessert?

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Anything coffee-based, or with certain kinds of liqueur. It took me three tries to type "liqueur." Anyway. I once had these Kahlua brownies at a New Year's party, and to this day I kick myself for not getting the recipe... they were easily the greatest brownies I'd ever sampled in my entire life.

Internet Lesson #1

thetalentedmrharvey@gmail.com — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 13:40:16 GMT

The internet is very dramatic.

If you want to fit in on the internet, you need to be very dramatic as well.

Your faith in humanity is tenuous at best; it can be tested by such things as 1.) the expression of an opinion that you don't share, 2.) someone doing something mildly stupid, 3.) barring one of those two things, anything else you don't like. Make sure to let people know about this by responding to their posts by saying, "There goes my faith in humanity," or something along those lines. Your reality has been shattered because that last table the other night didn't tip you; let the world know.

Likewise, you hate people. Much in the same way that you hate football when a team you don't like wins, or how you hate Super Mario Bros. 3 because you lost your last life in the castle and I had to start all the way over at the first stage. Despite the fact that you're people, and all the people you love are people, you still hate people. Misanthropy is hip these days, especially when you work a job where you have to interact with people.

http://www.myspanishomelette.com/ This is an article about the letter ñ in Spanish. Very interesting, very informative. What kinds of comments are okay to leave, though? Remember, this is the internet. Keep it dramatic, like StumbleUpon user rchrd8696:

"you had me to the point in which I discovered that proof reading had died...."

Now THAT's dramatic! There must be some kind of orthographical error somewhere in the article. Does rchrd8696 ignore it, chalking it up to the fact that we're all human, and we all make mistakes? No sir! rchrd8696 declares the very death of proofreading[note: not two words]! Jesus Christ!

rchrd8696 is a Nazi, worse than Hitler and all the worst Nazis that ever lived!

Now THAT's dramatic!

Writer's Block: Youthful Transgressions

thetalentedmrharvey@gmail.com — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 02:48:56 GMT

What mistake made in your youth do you most regret now?

View 504 Answers

My lack of youthful trangressions.

My advice to the under-21 crowd: Transgress.

Attention

thetalentedmrharvey@gmail.com — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 04:41:20 GMT

Typing is not difficult. It's much easier and faster than writing by hand. Stop writing "MTE," "FFS," and generally just stop abbreviating things that don't need to be abbreviated. You're not saving anyone bandwidth by typing less, and you're not saving that much time - you're just making me have to Google acronyms every five seconds. Seriously, quit.

Writer's Block: Not So Genius

thetalentedmrharvey@gmail.com — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 02:39:24 GMT

Which modern invention do you think the world would be better off without?

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Lady Gaga